The Bargaining
by evilbuffyfan4eva
Summary: Buffy was brought back to life and now the scobbies have to help her through the pain, torture and torment she went through in hell.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: joss come up with the Buffyverse I just watch his work. =D

There Use To Be Mistakes Now There Isn't Because Of The Best Person In The World Daryl. =D Have A Look At Daryl's Fic On My Account At .com/s/2759855/1/Distant_Love

Enjoy.

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Buffy tried to see where she was but she can't, its dark, cold and small where she is, -she tries to reach out but something stops. She is trapped. The oxygen around her is getting thick, she can't breathe, _help,_ she thinks, she tries to scream for help but nothing comes out, her throat is to sore. She needs to get out so she starts to scratch at her confines. She broke the wood and dirt fells on her but she pushes herself up through the hole she made. Dirt was falling into her eyes, ears and month, she pushed through the dirt a bit more and she was free. She lies on the grass for a bit getting her breath. Then when was she is ready she gets up and looks around her, its cold and dark but the thing that she notices is the gravestone "Buffy Anne Summers. 1981 – 2001…"

_What? No I'm dead?_ She thinks then she remembers she jumped. To save Dawn and to save the world again. No matter how much she hurt she wouldn't change it.

She heard engines roaring and decided to get out of there. She walked through the woods. She would have run but the pain shooting through her body was too much. When she got to the town everything was on fire and was broken.

_Where am I?_ She keeps walking and sees herself, but is it her? She is chained to motorbikes and they rip her apart. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The first thing she has said and it hurt. The demons look at her "Another one for the fire, boys." The demons try to grab her but she runs; the pain is so much but she needs to run or fight. She decides to run; she doesn't have the strength to fight a newly sired vampire let alone demons like this. As she runs through alleyways she hears them behind her, she turns down another corner and it's a dead end but instead of stopping her slayer takes control. She jumps over a fence and landed. When she looks up she saw people. Friends?

"It's the Buffybot." Tara says

"Ah, peachy. No doubt to lead the wild bunch right to us again. Hey Will, next time this thing's damaged, couldn't ya program it to find the nearest Radio Shack, or..."

He stops seeing the look on Willow face.

"Buffy?" Buffy looks fearfully at them, then turns and runs away. The gang chase after her but come to a dead end. They can't see her so they call her name, then they see her curled up by a wall shaking.

"Buffy, are you…? It's Willow, can you hear me?

"What's wrong with her?" Anya asked looking at Buffy whose hair was covering her face.

"Nothing! She… she… she's in shock." Willow says trying to convince herself that Buffy is going to be fine.

"Her hands are bleeding. Her fingers." Tara notices the blood over Buffy hands and then saw the cuts on her knuckles.

"She's filthy" Anya also notices the dirt that is on Buffy face and in her ears.

Xander puts this together "Oh, no"

"What?" Willow ask wanting to know he is thinking.

"No. How could we ... so stupid!" as he raises his voice making Buffy shakes more.

"Xander!" Willow noticed that his shouting was scaring her

"Our spell, our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm." To Buffy "We brought you back to life, Buffy." Then to the others "Right where we left her."

"Oh god." Willow turns and hugs Tara.

"In her coffin" He is sad and feels sick. They left her, in a wooden box where she could have suffocated.

Tara points out the obvious "she has to… dig out of her own grave."

Xander bends down so he is the same height as Buffy so he didn't scare with being taller than her.

"Buffy." She looks at him a little, he smile "Buffy, its Xander. We're sorry. We didn't know." Then she turns her head again with her hair hiding her again. "Buffy?"

"You aren't reaching her, she's too traumatized." Tara says as Buffy tries getting even smaller.

Then Anya walls forward taking Xander's place "Hey, Buffy. Uh, here's some good news that might perk you right up. Uh, Xander and I have an announcement."

"Anya!" Xander shouts again, Buffy flinches at the sound entering her ears. Xander pulls her away not wanted everyone to find out that they are engaged like this.

"What? Just trying to help." Anya not relishing what she had done wrong.

Xander take his place again talking to Buffy. "Buffy.... it's gonna be all right. We brought you back. You're home now." She looks up at him and then around a little, "Yeah, that's it. You're home."

Without any of them knowing the demons had walked up behind them, "Yeah welcome home slayer, alive and kicking after all, well alive anyway. Not looking to good, though is she?"

Xander, feeling he has to protect the girls, replies, "I don't see you winning any beauty contest unless the 'miss – face – fell – off' gets going."

The demons nods as Razor sees the axe, "Big axe you got there"

"The better to cut you down to size grandma."

The demon walks to Xander; punching him. He goes flying. Then Willow tries a spell but Razor grabs her by the throat throwing her out of his way. Buffy starts to stand and slowly walks over to Razor while he says, "Now let me tell you something, children. We're not gunna fight you. We're just gunna hold you down and enjoy ourselves for a few hours. You might even live through it. Except that certain one of my boys got some... anatomical incompatibilities that, uh, tend to tear up little girls. So, who wants to go first?"

Buffy walks in front of him "I was really hoping it'd be you." His arm swings out hitting Buffy in the face, when she turns back her lips has a cut on it. Razor goes to hit her again but Buffy grabs his hand, from somewhere she was able to find the strength to fight back. Maybe it was the slayer in her or maybe it was because she didn't want anything to happen to her friends that saved her from hell. She punches the demon in the face, kicked him in the gut and punches again, he fell to the floor. She looks at the rest of the demons, _Are they all this weak?_ Then they rushed at her and the scoobies that were now with Buffy ready to fight. The slayers fought some of them while the gang took the rest of them. When they were all dead Buffy was standing on one side of the demons bodies and the scoobies on the other. They all look at Buffy she is breathing heavily, which is unusual for a slayer; she is also shaking again with a confused expression covering her face.

"Buffy, you ok?" she looks at Willow then her eyes roll into her head as she falls to the floor. They run to her, her body hits the floor with a thud. Xander lifts her head onto his knees and checks her pulse. It's there but is weak, "we have to get her home." They nod. Xander picks her up and they wall home as fast as they can.

When they get to the house they didn't find Dawn or Spike. Xander went straight up to Buffy's room, gentle putting her on the bed. He brushes some hair off her face that when he relished that she had a cut on her forehead, a scratch on her cheek and some bruising on the side of her face. Willow then walks in follow by Tara and Anya. "Where do you think they are?"

He looks away from Buffy to Willow "Who?"

"Dawn and Spike, they aren't downstairs."

"Don't worry he'll look after her. He might of taken her somewhere safer then here."

The gang hear a noise and look at Buffy. She has started fidgeting and mumbling "No, Stop please. Nooooo STOP!!!" Willow shakes her trying to wake her up,

"Buffy it's a dream. Wake up." Buffy mumble get louder and more panicked. Her breathing is fast. "BUFFY!" her eyes open wide. She looks at everyone. The shaking didn't leave her body. "Willow? Xander? Where am I?" Tears fall down her eyes and then there is a bang. She jumps. Someone had come through the door. Anya and Tara went to see if it was Dawn and Spike but they knew the answer before they saw them due to Spike shouting at Dawn. "You do not run off. If I hadn't of chased after you that demon could have killed you." Every time Spike spoke Buffy jumped. "It's ok Buffy it's only Spike shouting at Dawn." Xander assures her.

"Dawn." Buffy whispers.

Downstairs Tara tells Spike to stop shouting; then turns to Dawn "Dawnie I think you're needed upstairs." She looks at Tara confused then walks up the stairs followed by the other three.

"Where is she?" Buffy asked Willow and Xander in a shaky voice. Dawn was in the hall but heard the voice, she knew it was Buffy. She ran to the room she went in every night just to be close to her sister. When she got to the door way she stopped at the sight of Buffy. Buffy looked at her then climb off the bed as Dawn walked into the room, Dawn throw her arms around Buffy. They fell to the floor, both in tears of joy.

"God Buffy you're home. I've missed you so much." They separate and dawn notices the cuts, "You're covered in cuts and bruises."

"I guess R.I.P means nothing now days." Neither of them laughs or even smile they just sit there for a few seconds then get up. No one missed the sound of Buffy groaning in pain as she got up. When they are standing Buffy sees Spike by the door, "Thank you."

Spike was shocked, she was alive, and she was really here. Then he remembered what she had said, "For what?"

"Looking after her. All of you thank you." Tears quietly and slowly roll down her cheeks again.

A few minutes Xander, Anya, Tara and Spike are in the kitchen while Dawn and Willow were trying to get Buffy cleaned and sort out her wounds when Buffy locked herself in the bathroom. "Buffy let us in. You fainted earlier and we don't want that to happen again." While Willow was trying to convince Buffy to open the door Dawn was busy picking the lock on the other one. She finally got it open and saw Buffy sitting in a corner looking at nothing. She opens the other door for Willow. Willow crouches down in front of Buffy "Please let us help you." Buffy sees the look in her eyes, it was sorrow. She nods, standing up using Willow for support. Buffy looks at her sister, "Dawn can you go help the others please." she was going to argue but saw the look on Buffy face she nods and walks out the room shutting both doors for them.

Buffy stands in the middle of the bathroom feeling the dirt on her skin and dry blood in her hair. The smell of herself was making her feel sick. Willow walked behind her, Buffy doesn't move but her eyes follow Willow as far as they can go.

Willow goes to hold the zip but touches Buffy's back as well, which makes her flinch, "Sorry." Willow says feeling bad for not getting her out of that place faster. Pulling down the zip slowly, she gasps seeing cuts all over Buffy's back. Some cuts going from her shoulder blade to the bottom of her spin. There was also one cut that went down to the bone. Some of them were not open but they have left bad scars over Buffy's once beautiful body. "Buffy what happened?" No answer, she finishes unzipping the dress and it slides to the floor, Buffy use to be skinny but now she looked like she had meat on her at all. Still Buffy stands there somewhat scared. "I won't hurt you Buffy," She says.

"They all said that."

"Who said?" No answer. She walks around to stand in front of her. Buffy eyes are on the floor; she won't make eye contact, she was to scare to. Willow feels for her, her heart aches. She was hurt so much, the slayer, if this happened to her what chases did normal humans have? "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine. Ok well I think we should bath you then look at the wounds. Is that ok?"

Buffy looks at her, she knew Willow was her friend but she still felt like she couldn't trust her. Couldn't trust anyone.

Then she thought about the mud in her hair and the blood staining her skin. "OK" Willow smiles turning on the taps to fill up the bath, Buffy knew the water would sting but nothing could hurt as much as what the demons did. She looked at the water as Willow grabs some old towels and some new soft one, the water was clear and shiny, not like the stuff Buffy was reduced to drinking.

The bath was full so Willow turned off the taps. "Ok, here goes the awkward part." Willow starts by undoing Buffy's bra; she also noted that Buffy flinched again. Then she slides it down her arms. Buffy has bite marks on her breasts and Willow feels even sicker, but she continues to take off Buffy's underwear. But as she goes to take them off. Buffy tenses up and there is blood on Buffy's thighs. Tears are brought to Willows eyes. Buffy sees this and says calmly "No point of crying, it doesn't help. Just makes it go on for longer." Willow swallows her tears pulling Buffy's underwear down.

"Ok let's get you in and out so it doesn't hurt too much. Yeah?" Buffy walks forward looking at the water.

"It's so clean and pure." She steps in and slowly sits down. The water seeps into the cuts making them sting; soon the water has turned to a reddish brown color. She closed her eyes the color reminded her of that place. Then she felt Willow softly rubbing her arm with a flannel. This was a shock; it had been ages since someone had treated Buffy like this she has forgotten what it felt like.

Willow washed Buffy and her hair then helped Buffy to climb out of the bath. Drying her off with an old towel to get the red water off her then wrapped a soft one around her. They then went into Buffy room. She sits on the bed while Willow gets the first aid kit and pulls the plug out the bath.

She walks back to Buffy. S_he must be so tried._ Willow thinks. Buffy was but she was scared to close her eyes. Every time she did she would remember getting beaten, yelled at, and her soul being breaking away a little more. Willow looks over her body and decides to start with her back, she cleans the cuts bandages them, and then moves onto the next one and the next until they are all sorted.

By the end Willow had made a mental list of what Buffy has covering her body, there were deep cuts, grazes, scars metal and physical, bruises and crated ribs. There was swelling around Buffy's shoulders and her right knee, it look like they were dislocated and then pushed back in without care.

"There, all that left is getting you in some clothes and we're done." Buffy nods, Willow goes to get some clothes for her but when she turned back she saw Buffy has got a top and boxer out of draw and had put them on. "Their Angel's" she nods. She missed him. "Well I think it's best if you rest now." She helps Buffy climb into bed and she automatically curls up into a ball. "Good night Buffy." Willow walks out the door leaving it open slightly to let a bit of light in but it didn't matter much as Buffy was already asleep when Willow left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: note not my characters all joss' great work =D he has possessed me though. he told me to write this :S

Chapter two.

Downstairs everyone was in the living room talking about Buffy and explaining to Dawn and Spike what spell they did. When Willow walked in they all looked at her.

"How is she?" Xander asks about his best friend.

"OK, scared I guess. She kept flinching but the worse bit is she is covered in cuts and bruise with a few broken ribs. It also looks like her arm and knee were dislocated."

"Is that why she didn't want me there? So I didn't see that?"

Willow nods. "I just hope she tells us what happened and we can help her."

"Well if she doesn't isn't there a spell we can do, like when Glory took Dawn and Buffy froze up?" Anya asks.

"I think so, maybe if we use-"

Tara cuts her off, "NO! It's best not to. Buffy needs to feel safe and secure if we go into her head she won't be able to trust us."

Willow nods agreeing with Tara, "Yeah, you're right. Now, I think we should call Giles," pause "And Angel."

"WHAT!" Xander and Spike shout in unison.

"Look, when I went to get her some clothes she pulled out a pair of Angel's boxers and a top. They comfort her, make her feel safe. If clothes do that think of how much he can help. They love each other and not to mention Angel was also in a hell dimension, he knows how she is feeling."

"OK." Xander agrees but Spike is not happy so he gets up and walks out the house. Outside he looks at Buffy's window and silently wishes he were the one to look after her.

Willow had called Giles and Angel. She told Giles everything but told Angel very little, she wanted Angel to see her instead of hearing she was alive over the phone so she made up a story about a demon that they needed his help in fighting.

When she was done on the phone she went back to the gang and noticed Dawn was being very quiet.

"Dawn honey, you ok?"

"Yeah. You know I thought I lost her forever and now she's here. But not all of her. I saw the look in her eyes; she's scared-" she was cut off by Buffy screaming. They all ran to her room, she was having a nightmare and she kept shouting "NO. STOP PLEASE. I DIDN'T MEAN TO. STOP!!!" Willow went to wake her up but as soon as her hand touches Buffy's shoulder her eyes shot open. She sits up quickly and tries to get away from everyone.

"Buffy you ok? It's me Dawn. You were having a nightmare." Dawn says from the middle of the room. Buffy doesn't move and doesn't look at anyone. "We won't hurt you. We love you."

Buffy quietly says, "They loved me too. They loved the things they did to me. They said it wouldn't hurt but it did, every time." Tears run down her face and land on her top making it wet.

"It's ok you're not there anymore. You're safe, trust me." Xander says in a soft voice. She nods, she doesn't know if she can trust them. Time would tell. "You need to rest. Don't worry we'll be here for you." She nods and lies back down. As they walk out the room.

"Dawn you better go to bed, it's late." Dawn didn't bother to argue with Willow. She was tired anyways and this way she could be close to Buffy. The rest of the gang walk down the stairs as Dawn goes into her room. They go to the living room and sit down. "I still think she is broken"

"ANYA!" Xander snapped, "She will be fine. We just have to give her time and show her that we won't hurt her."

"Yeah the amount of cuts she has it obvious that she was tortured. God she's the slayer how did they turn her into this scared little girl?" tears are building in Willows eyes but she doesn't let them fall. Like Buffy said crying doesn't help. To begin with Willow had thought that bringing Buffy back was a bad idea but now she was glad she had.

"Willow we have known her the longest. We've seen her survive many things and I believe she can get through this too." Xander takes her hand and gives it a little squeeze.

"How long do you think she was there? A day, month, year? She has scars, some of them old some new. The scar from where Angel bit her is unnoticeable because all the others."

"Well, you're tired. Everything will be clearer in the morning. And when Angel and Giles get here things will be even better." She nods. "Well we should all get some rest." Xander and Anya get up and walk to the door while Willow and Tara head for the stairs. "Night." Xander and Anya go and Willow locks the door after they go then go to bed with Tara.

Throughout the night Buffy kept waking up. She was scared that evil things were hiding in the shadows. By the time the sun came up Buffy had a maximum of 30 minutes of sleep but when the sun came up she was able to fall asleep for a bit longer knowing the sun would watch over her.

Just after the sun came up Willow woke up. She climbed out of bed and went to check on Buffy. As she opened the door she saw Buffy in bed asleep. So she closes the door and goes back to her room. "You're awake." she says to Tara who is sitting up looking at her.

"How is she?"

"Asleep. I don't think she sleep much last night."

"How comes?"

"Well she didn't wake us up with screaming. Well I'm going to get dressed and have breakfast. Oh my god."

"What?"

"This is the first sun rise Buffy will see. She died just before the sun rose."

"Yeah now she can see it again when she wakes up. We also need to get Dawn off to school soon"

They get dressed and eat while Dawn gets dressed and goes to school. She wanted to stay home with Buffy but she had missed a lot of school and they couldn't afford for her to miss any more.

Xander and Anya had joined Willow and Tara about an hour later and they were sitting in the garden.

"Willow, what you said about the cuts and bruise how is that even possible? She was in her coffin." Xander asked.

None of them had noticed Buffy standing by the door. They only noticed her when she fell to the floor, remembering the small box around her. The gang rushes to her where she is curled up with her knees to her chest. Xander bends down in front of her and hears her mumbling "Please. Not there. Not again. Don't let them get me."

"Hey Buffy? It's ok. We won't hurt you and you're not there anymore." She looks at him, "You can trust us." She was still unsure about that. She remembered them being there for her but then she also remembers what they did. _No not them. _She reminds herself. "Come on let's go inside and talk." Xander puts out his hand to help Buffy but she doesn't take it. They walk into the living room with Buffy at the front. She sits down on the sofa with her knees pulled to her chest.

"You comfy?" Tara asks seeing how small she had curled up. She nods, not making eye contact, then her stomach growls with hunger. "Sorry." Buffy says quickly, shaking scared of what will happen to her.

"No, Buffy I'm sorry I should of gotten you something." Willow gets up to get her something but first asks, "What do you want?" Buffy is silent so she goes to get her a sandwich.

"What did you eat there?" Anya asks.

"Anya!" Xander says in a harsh, warning tone, which makes Buffy flinch. "Sorry."

"I didn't get anything." She says, "I--If they did give me any thing it wasn't food. Th--they said I didn't need it and that I was lucky for what I got." Willow comes back with the food and places it in front of Buffy who just starts at it.

"You can have it." Buffy shakes her head. "Buffy why won't you take it?"

"Once they gave me some-something and beat me for it."

"We won't do that." Xander reassures her.

Then there was a rapid knocking at the door. Buffy curls up into a tighter ball scared of the noise. "Shh, Buffy it's ok."

Willow rushed to the door knowing it was Angel. When she opens it he rushes in and throws the blanket to the floor that was over him. "Hi, um… Where's the demon everything looks-" he stops. Sensing something. His girl. It wasn't the house. Her sent was fading. This scent was strong and close. He walked over a little to look in the living room, where he saw his golden goddess. Sure she was hurt, scared and she was so small you could pick her up with one finger but it was still her.

She looked at him. She stood up moving over to him. They had managed to destroy her memories of everyone apart from him. Her legs begin to shake, as she gets closer to him. Angel is in shock. When she is almost to him her legs give way but he catches her, wrapping his arms around her. "Angel?"

"It's me baby. I love you so much."

"I love you too." Tears are rolling down both their faces.

"Are you really here Buffy? I thought I lost you." She doesn't answer just leans her head into his chest more as to make herself go into him and never come back. She didn't need to answer, he knew the answer, she was lost. Angel has Buffy back physically but not mentally. He tightens his grip on her scared of losing her again. His head rested on hers while one hand was on her head and the other on her back. He moves this hand up and down her back feeling the cuts and scars. More tear fell from his face, Buffy hadn't stop crying since she saw him, making his top wet. Buffy pulled back, "Sorry." One of his hands stays on her arm and she pushes it away; then dries her eyes.

"What? Sorry? Why?"

"I-I-I shouldn't of- I didn't mean to."

It clicked in Angel's head. "Buffy it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. You can't do anything wrong here." He bends down a little to make eye contact but she refuses to look at him. Her chest is heaving for breath, her head is spinning and Angel sees her eyes roll into her head again. Before she hits the floor he catches her picking her up; then moving to the sofa placing her down. He holds one of her hands in his big one; she was cold, like a vampire. He hadn't noticed before from the shock of seeing her alive. He moves his hands to open her eyes one by one to see that the pupils are very small. He then moves his hands down her arm back to one of her hands. He feels the bone through her skin.

"She's so ill." Angel says not knowing if it was to himself or the group.

"We thought you could help her." Xander says to the vampire he hated but knew Buffy loved. Loves.

"I can. I will. I'm not losing her again." He picks her up carefully and walks up the stairs to her room followed by Willow. As he places her on the bed Willow stands by the door watching him undoing her buttons on her shirt. He slowly runs his fingers over the cuts on her stomach then moves his eyes to look at her breast where the bra doesn't cover. He sees the bite marks and the rage is building in him again. Pushing the urge to kill whatever did this down he continued looking over her body. Rolling her over to her side he looks at her back. The wounds had healed a lot since last night. He gasps at the sight still. The pain she must have gone through was killing him. "These need to be covered." Angel says scared they could get infected.

"I did. Last night after I gave her a bath." Willow looks around to see the bloody bandages in the bin. "She must have pulled them off when she got dressed this morning. Do you want me to get more?" Angel shakes his head.

"No, if she pulled them off she doesn't like them being on. We need her to feel comfortable for her to get better." After he had finished looking at the healing cuts he rolls her back and does her shirt up again. He was on his knees holding her hand placing one kiss on the back of it. Then he turns to Willow, "How are her legs and her-" He can't say it. He doesn't want to think about what they did to her sweet, innocent, pure body. Willow could see how much this was hurting Angel but he needed to know the truth.

"I'm sorry but yeah. They had hurt her there too. There was blood on her thighs and-" Angels eyes dropped to the floor in disgust. They had abused his girl in the most awful way and he wanted to kill them but at the same time he wanted to hold her and protect her. He had thought she was in heaven safe and loved but no she was in the depths of a hell that used her, as they wanted not caring if they hurt her. She didn't deserve that, no one does. Willow walks to him and kneels next to him.

"Angel? She also said some things such as, 'No point of crying, it doesn't help. Just makes it go on for longer' there was other stuff too. I think she said that for the same reason she said sorry earlier for hugging you."

"They would of broken her if she was there any longer." Angels says getting a clear picture of what happened now.

"Broken her? I think she is already broken."

"No. Well yes she is, but I mean they would of broken her to insanity. When I was in hell I forgot to speak, I could only growl and say 'Buffy' when I got back I was able to remember everything with Buffy's help. With her I think they wanted her to know how to speak. So she could beg for them to stop and beg for forgiveness." His voice crakes him the tears. He holds her hand to his forehead.

"Who are they? You have both said 'they'"

Angel shakes his head. He didn't know for sure. "They can be anything. Most likely demons that live in that hell dimension or very powerful demons that can travel through dimensions."

"Did the same happen to you?" Willow asks trying to understand.

"By the looks of her it was different. I got off easy because I am a vampire with a soul and that I was male. I was distrusting to them. Not fit for anything apart from chasing other demons and fighting for my survival. What did they do to my girl?" His voice and body where taken over by tears. Willow watches and her heart sinks for the two lovers.

"You'll help her. You already have. She hasn't approached any of us apart from Dawn." She lets this sink in; she sees his eyes lighten up a little knowing he has helped her a little already. "Well Tara and I have classes, we were going to stay but I think we scare her too much. I'll leave you two alone. I'll also bring some blood back for you. If you need anything my cell number is downstairs." He nods. Willow walks to the door and stops at the door frame and says in a light, hopeful tone, "She'll get through this. She is strong." Then leave the room to join everyone downstairs. He wished she were right. Knowing what a place like that can do, to a slayer, he wouldn't be surprised if she gave up all together.

Downstairs Xander asks, "What took so long? Buffy ok?"

"Yeah Angel was looking at her cuts. I think he has a basic idea of what happened, I said we'll leave them alone." Everyone nods and leaves the house knowing Angel would protect Buffy. He would, nothing was going to hurt Buffy ever again and he would make sure of that.


	3. Chapter 3

If You Don't understand this don't worry everything will be explained. I hope. =D

Any mistakes i will and try to fix. And I still don't own anything. Still joss's is great show. I miss it. :(

Enjoy.

Angel looked at his sleeping beauty; he wished he could kiss her on the lips to have her wake up and for them to live happily ever after. But for these two things were never a fairytale. He stayed next to her hope, knowing she would be okay. He just didn't know how long it would take.

He sat on the floor never to her bed till he eyes opened and she looked at him.

"Hi." He says seeing that she didn't move away from him.

"Hi." She says in a quieter voice then he used.

"You okay?" She didn't answer that. "Stupid question. Want to talk." No answer again, she wanted to talk but what could she say?

"Come on. Let's go downstairs and get you something to eat. You look starved. I guess that's because you have been starved." She doesn't move or show any sign of moving. "Buffy I know what it's like there. You could survive without food and drink because you're already dead. But here you can't. You don't eat now then you might not make it through the day and be sent back there." Her eyes widen with fear. He knew what he was doing was evil but she needed to eat. But she was scared so Angel scared her with something worse. Going back there.

Buffy sits up and then looks at him.

"You won't make me go back there?"

She was near tears. What had he done? Willow said he was the only one that she had approached apart from dawn and now he could have made all her trust from him go.

"No." he said quickly. "But you need to eat and heal."

She nods. "Come on. Let's goes downstairs." He helps her stand and she takes a few steps when Angel picks her up.

"What are you doing?" she says a little shocked at how gentle he was. The last time she was picked up that she could remember was when a demon was taking to her to bad excuse for a room and dropped her on the floor.

"I'm carrying you. Less you move about the faster you will heal." She nods and digs her nails into his top. She was thinking of what could happen and then she saw that she was in the kitchen on a chair out there. "See, I'm not going to hurt you." She gives him a slight nod.

"I know."

"No one else will."

She was silent at that.

"You can tell me what happened when you're ready. I'm always here for you."

_Are you? Where were you when I was being held down by demons while one-_ she moved her hands to her head trying to forget what was coming into her mind. Angel looks at her then rushed to her side taking her hands in his moving them away from her head and kissing her on the forehead.

"Don't think about any of that. Not now. The time will come when you will have to but now you need to get better."

"I'm scared. I don't know what I can trust and what I can't."

"Do you trust me?" He asks her, sitting down. She nods. "Well, you can trust everyone that enters this house."

"But-"

"You said you trust me and I trust them. They won't hurt you. They are the ones that got you out of there."

"But they also…they did…" She couldn't say what she wanted. She wasn't sure anymore.

"Buffy everything that happened there, whatever it was, that won't happen here. We all love and respect you."

Buffy looked down. "I'll get you some food." Angel didn't know what to do now. She couldn't see the difference in the hell dimension and this one. A few minutes later Angel placed a plate with some toast on it in front of her and a glass of water. "It tastes good." She looks into his eyes. She loved him and she really did trust him. She picks up one of the pieces and has a bite. She wasn't sure. It tasted nice. "It's good for you." She looks at him again and then takes another bite. He smiles. He could tell that she was uneasy about eating the food but she ate it anyway. The second slices went faster than the first. Now Buffy had some food in her stomach she would become hungry again. Angel goes to the fridge and sees something he knew Buffy would like, chocolate. He takes it out showing her the wrapper. "Would you like some?" She shakes her head. No. "Well it doesn't matter you having some." He smiled at her then places some chocolate in her hand. He has a bit himself so she felt better. It did, a little. She ate the chocolate and then said. "I'm tired."

Come on then. He walks to her and picks her up again talking her to the living room. He places her on the sofa; then turns on the T.V.

He put on a DVD and then sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her pulling her close to him. To his surprise she didn't pull away or show any signs of being scared. Instead she placed her head on chest and watched the T.V.

Angel let like he use to. Happy. He only realised that he might be hurting her, he had forgot about the cut covering her body. He tried to move his arm but found she was holding his hand. "Buffy?" he said quietly. She didn't answer so he looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she had a small, almost unnoticeable, smile on her face.

Angel smiled too. She was asleep. She didn't make a single noise that worried him, so he just rested back again and watched the T.V.

Buffy moved in his arms to curl into his embrace so he moved both his arms around, rolling onto his back pulling Buffy almost on his. He felt her heart beating at a steady rhyme.

He rested back listening to Buffy breathing.

The next thing he knew Buffy was moving a lot and slightly screaming and the Scooby gang was there.

Angel quickly sat up and shakes Buffy slightly. "Buffy?" he eyes open and look at him then the others. "You okay baby?"

She nods. He called her baby. When was the last time someone said that to her?

"What happened?" Willow asked.

"I'm sure it doesn't matter. Right Buffy?" Angel looks at her to see her nodding. "Come on let's get you to your room." Angel stands pulling Buffy up too. He goes to pick her up but she says,

"I can walk." Not in a mean way just in a calm voice.

"I know but I want you to relax as much as possible." She nods again.

He carries her upstairs as the gang walk around the house doing their own thing.

"Buffy?" from how she was looking around and the way she was standing it looked like she wanted to say something. "What is it?"

"I-I-I need the toilet." She says looking down away from his eyes.

"Do you want help?"

"I can't. I hurt too much."

He hated the bastards for hurting her, but like the way they did was even worse.

"Have you had any painkillers?" she shakes her head. "I'll go get you some."

He returns a few seconds later with painkillers and a glass of water. She swallows then after a few attempts. Then she can feel them working.

"Can I have a bath too?" she asks him. She was really a lot better. Well around him she was.

"Of course. Would you me to do anything?" she nods, "What can I do?"

"Help me." He understood what she meant. Everything here was foreign to her. She was in hell for years.

He moves to the bathroom and fills the bath up and then goes back to Buffy.

"What's wrong?" she was sitting on her bed with her knees to her chest.

"Do you love me?"

"What!" he says shocked.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, Buffy I mean yes of course I love you. You shouldn't have to ask. I love you more than anything in this world and all the others." He looks at her, she was looking in him eyes and he hoped that she was feeling what she use to when she looked into his eyes. Love, trust, security. If she didn't feel them then he wasn't trying hard enough. "Come on let's get you in the bath. The water will clean the cuts again."

"On second thought I don't want one."

"Buffy. It will help."

"But it hurts."

"I know, I know that you have had too much of it but when these cuts have healed you won't feel any more pain I promise."

"You will protect me?"

"Yes." He says strongly. He would. He would never let anything happen to her ever again.

"So why were you there? Why didn't you stop them and where were you when the others doing the spell?"

This hit hard. He should have protected her but he didn't. He thought she was in heaven, he was happy that she was resting but she wasn't. She was being tortured by demons that tormented her.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to stop them but, but I didn't know. I thought you were in heaven. That's what you deserve."

She was in tears. So was he.

He walks forward about two meters and wraps his arms around her.

"We'll get you in the bath then we will talk. If you want to."

She nods and lets his take her to the bathroom.

In the room Angel helps her off with her clothes. What he sees makes his rage go over the edge.

"I'm going to kill them all." He didn't realise but he was shouting. Buffy immediately curled up in corner. Shaking.

Angel saw where she was and felt bad. "Buffy I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. You know I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not like them."

He walks to her. She doesn't look at him. "Buffy?" he sees her eyes, they are gray and unfocused. It was like Buffy could see something that wasn't there. He grabs her but the arms and makes her look at him.

"STOP!!!" she shouts at the contacted.

"Buffy, you're here with me. You're not there anymore. You're not going back either."

"Please, please!!! Don't. Stop."

She was getting hysterical. Angel had to calm her down before she ran out of oxygen. Her breathing was uneven.

"BUFFY!" he says louder than her. "Listen to me baby. You are safe. I'm looking after you." He pulls her into his arms and holds her tightly, soon her struggles stop and she stop shouting. But there are still a few mumbles such as 'stop' and 'please'.

"Buffy?"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be. I'm sorry I shouldn't have shouted."

As she was naked he could feel how cold she was. It was either because she had not meat on her to keep the heat in her body or that she was in a hot hell dimension.

He stands up taking her with him. Then he picks her put and stands her in the warm bath.

"Does that feel good?" she nods sitting down using his for support.

The water covered her body and it felt nice this time. Her wounds where healing fast. Most of them had faded into scars. The scars that were there had started disappearing. All apart from one, Angel's. That would stay with her forever and she was glad.

Buffy closed her eyes; the smell of the bubbles was lovely. She felt calm and started to relax. Angel saw the tension leave her body.

"This is what you deserve Buffy." He kissed her on the head.

She sighs. "This is what you will have for years to come. Relaxing in a bath, watching films on the sofa curled up in my arms. I'm not leaving you Buffy."

Buffy spent about forty-five minutes in the bath. She would have fallen asleep but there was too much noise downstairs. Nothing more than usual but Buffy was scared of it. In hell there was noises all the time. She heard the demons talking, when they went to her room to do anything they wanted to her.

Now she could hear her 'friends' moving around. She wasn't sure if they were going to hurt her.

"You ready to get out?" Angel asks holding a white fluffy towel.

"Sure." She stands up and steps out the bath while Angel wraps her in the towel.

He holds her in his arms just loving the feel of having her there again.

"We'll get you in your nightclothes, have something to eat and then we can talk or watch TV or whatever you want." She nods. They walk to her room. Angel grabs some of her clothes and places them in the bed. He takes the towel of her and dries her body. He looks at the cuts as he does. Some had re-opened when she jumped and curled up in the corner.

"Do you want this cuts covered?" She shook her head. He continues to wipe the blood way and then got her into some underwear then goes to put a top on her but she shakes her head.

"I don't wanna wear that." She says and then grabs the clothes she wore last night. Angel clothes. He helps her on with them and then looks at her. He loved her wearing those clothes.

"What do you want to do now?" He asks her. She didn't look tired anymore.

"Do you wanna talk?" she looks at him. She wanted to tell him what happened to get it off her mind. She nods. "Good. It will make you feel better."

"Will you lose your temper again?"

"I'll try very hard not to. But when I know what they did to you I want to kill them." She nods; she understands that he only wanted to protect her.

"So what do you wanna talk about?"

"Can we eat first?" she said we so she wasn't on her own. She didn't want to be anywhere without him.

"Sure, what would you like?" He asks as they walk out of the room and they head down stairs.

"I don't mind." She was talking more and she was eating and seemed to be ready to talk, that's what he thought.

In the kitchen there was Willow, Xander, Anya and Tara. When they saw Buffy and Angel they all said 'hi'.

Buffy grabs Angel's hand. Holding it tight.

Angel walked forward having to pull Buffy with him a little. She sits on the seat with everyone's eyes on her.

Angel goes around and gets the food for her and him. Even though he didn't usually he knew she wouldn't eat unless he did.

"So Buffy, how are you?"

"Fi-fi-fine." She stutters.

"Good. What have you done today?" Xander enters the conversation.

"Um…um…we watched, watched T.V."

"Sounds fun." Xander could tell she wasn't comfortable with talking to them.

Angel put another plate in front of Buffy with a sandwich on it. Then sat next to her. This time she didn't eat the food. Her body was tensed up and she wasn't looking at anything apart from her hands in her lap. She was better around Angel. Maybe something happened in hell that made her think it was the Scooby gang.

When Angel was in hell he saw his family he had killed, his friends that Angelus murder and Buffy saying he was nothing. But that was only once or twice. By the way Buffy was acting it was like the Scooby gang had done something to her a lot.

"Come on Buffy, We'll eat in the living room. With the T.V." she nods gets up and leaves the kitchen quickly. The gang go to follow her but Angel quietly says, "Don't. I think she is scared of you. Maybe the demons made her think you were hurting her."

"What? They can do that?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, could be a demon that can get in her head and make her see things that aren't really. I'm going to try and talk with her, see if there is anything I can do." Everyone nods and then Angel walks into the living room. Buffy was sitting on the sofa eating her sandwich.

"What's on the T.V.?" he asked joining her.

"Don't know." She replies. She wasn't playing any attention to it but was listening to what Angel was saying. Being in hell dimension improved your hearing, even with the beatings and screams; you learn to listen to whom or what is coming.

"What do you want to know?" She asked not looking at Angel.

"We can talk whenever you are ready. You have been back for a day. Take your time. We'll get there."

She noticed that he said 'we'll'.

They ate their food while everyone stayed in the kitchen. Then Dawn walks in from school. She walks into the living room to see Buffy leaning against Angel with her eyes Shut. Angel looks at her and mouths 'shhh'.

"She okay?" Dawn whispered.

Angel nods, "She's getting there."

Where was there? Was it when she was okay and could move on with her life without thinking someone was going to hurt her? If that was 'there' then Angel hoped she would get there as soon as possible. He didn't like seeing the fear in her eyes or having an abused body when she use to have a beautiful figure. Small but strong. That was his Buffy and he wanted her back.

Buffy and Angel lay there for a few hours while the Scoobies eat, tidy the house and then go to patrol. When they had gone only Buffy, Angel and Dawn where left in the house. Angel has fallen asleep as well after Dawn had left them alone. But now he was awake and was watching T.V. with Dawn when Buffy started to mumble in her sleep.

"Don't. No, please, stop!!!"

Her cries get loader and Dawn walks over to her as Angel sits up holding her in his arms, whispering "Baby, wake up. You're safe. Come back to me."

He continues to say loving things in her ear until she wakes up.

"Sorry." She says pushing away from Angel. He loosens his arms around her so she can move but keeps her on his lap.

"Nothing to be sorry for, remember?"

She nods and stops pushing away.

"Buffy?" Dawn asks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you."

"Dawn. Don't." Angel said knowing that she felt bad about all this. It was her fault the Buffy died.

What Dawn said hit Buffy more than Angel and Dawn both thought. They didn't know what had happened to Buffy but with Dawn saying that it help a lot, even if it was the wrong Dawn.


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy looked into Dawn's eyes which hold pain. Buffy was wondering how she could feel pain when she had never been to hell.

A small smile crossed Buffy's face, almost unnoticeable then she looked at Angel, "Can I have a bath?" she asked him in a small voice.

Angel nods and Buffy stands up. The pain that was in her body was slowly decreasing. Soon there would be no pain but there would be scars.

Angel stands with her and they head to the stairs a Dawn watched.

"Can I help?" She asked, feeling useless when she should be helping her sister.

"No!" Buffy say quickly. "Angel can help me."

Buffy didn't want Dawn to help because she was scared. Even though Dawn said she was sorry, Buffy knew she was saying sorry about letting her jump. None of them would know what happened to Buffy if she could help it and if they did know nothing they did would make anything better again because it wasn't them.

Even though Buffy knew the things that happened to her in hell weren't the fault of her friends, didn't make her feel any better about being near them. The demons that tortured Buffy used her friends as a way to break her. Shape shifted would take on the form of them and beat her till she passed out. They would other stuff wicked Buffy was trying to push out of her mind.

Angel walked up the stairs with Buffy and into the bathroom. While he ran the bath Buffy looked into the mirror. _I look terrible._ She thought to herself. _Why is Angel here?_

Buffy looked at Angel as he re entered the room holding Some of Buffy's closes.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"Because I love you and want to help you." He asked honestly.

"But how can you love me?" she didn't understand this. "I'm disgusting."

Angel walked to after putting her clothes on the side. "You're not. You're the most gorgeous person I have ever seen."

"But what they did to me, my body isn't mine anymore. It's theirs. I feel them on me all the time. I can't get their hands off me." Buffy was crying the words as she remembers the demons hands covering her body with dark colored bruises and bloody cuts.

Angel wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, hoping she felt comfort.

"You are beautiful. What they did isn't going to stop anyone from thinking that. What they did wasn't right and you didn't deserve it. I love you so much, not for your body but for you the person. You're my light Buffy and please whatever you do don't let them demons win. Don't let them destroy your life."

Buffy listened to this and found it hard to believe. If she didn't deserve it why did it happen?

"They have already won. How can I continue on with my life when I'm too scared of what is going to happen."

Buffy was opening up and telling him what she was feeling. Whether she knew or not Angel was going to let her say whatever she wanted.

"Everything they did to me hurt so much and even though I was there for years I still remember everything."

Angel stroked her hair as she rested her head on his chest.

After a little while of Buffy just being silent and just softly crying he said. "I know it's going to be hard but try and forget what they did. Remember happy time, with your family, with your friends, with me."

"Was there happy time?" Buffy couldn't remember the small details about her life from before dying. She remembered everyone, remember school, family and big events that happened but your ask her to tell you the date of her birthday she wouldn't know. It was pinpointed bit that was also hard.

Although there is one thing that Buffy knows, something that the demons couldn't make her forget and that was Angel. Everything she knew about him and did with him she can remember.

"Of course." He realised her from his arms and looked at her dead in the eye.

"But I don't remember them." Buffy was getting scared that he was going to lose his temper.

Angel saw this in her eyes so decided to talk about it in a little while. "Okay, come on let's get you in the bath."

After a few seconds Buffy was sitting in the warm bath enjoying the feeling of the water surrounding her skin.

Angel was sitting next to her on the floor. Buffy liked having his presence near her. He made her feel safe.

"Buffy?" he asked in a soft voice. She didn't move but he knew she was listening. "Do you remember anything that we did?"

"Everything." She replied. She didn't see the smile that came across his face. He was happy that she remembers their time together and this was also another way of helping her through. If she remembered Angel then she should remember the time she spent with him and the group.

Angel didn't want to push her to far in one day so he stopped talking now as the next thing he wanted to do was going to be hard.

After she was done in the bath he dried her and she went to get Angel clothes to put back on but he stopped her.

"These." He held up a pair of her jeans and a top.

"But, I don't like them." She said looking at the clothes.

"Please, just for a little while." He asked hoping she would but she didn't move. "They are just clothes. Nothing wrong with them."

"I know but, when I was there I was wearing them kind of clothes." Then she adds under her breath, "Not for long." She meant to say it to herself but Angel heard of course.

"We I want to take you out when it gets dark. And I want you in these so you're warm."

She looks at him and still doesn't move. "No one will be with us, it's just going to be me and you."

At this Buffy takes the clothes and then puts them on. She looks down at them and seems to close in a little bit.

"They feel tight."

"They will keep you warm."

"When we going? And where?"

"You tell me. Where do you want to go?"

Buffy tried to think of where she would like to go but could remember anywhere apart from the cinema, cemetery, the mansion, bronze and a few other places.

She said all these places and then Angel suggested one place. "How about the beach? A long walk or we could drive."

Buffy looked at him and then said, "Where is that?"

"Don't you remember it? You went with the group few times."

She shakes her head then he realized that she doesn't remember any places here either. The only places she could remember they have been together.

"Come on I'll take you there." She nods and they move downstairs.

They had been upstairs for a while as it was almost dark.

Buffy and Angel left the housed walking. It wasn't cold outside but Buffy was wearing a thick coat, as she had no meat on her. Buffy was becoming very enclosed in on herself as there were a few people walking around.

Angel took hold of her small and held on tight; just to make sure that she wasn't going to run off.

As they got to quieter parts of the town Buffy relax a little.

It took them a while to get to the beach but they made it. Buffy felt the breeze on her skin, the smell of the sea and could see the bright moon shining on the water.

Angel took Buffy closer to the sea and sat down on the sand pulling Buffy onto his lap.

"How does this feel?"

"Nice." She wouldn't look at him. In her eyes she saw that this was wrong; that she shouldn't be getting this attention from him.

Angel knew that everything she said was the truth because she was too scared to lie. If she lied in hell, Angel was sure, that she would of gotten beaten. In hell you would have been beaten for anything.

Buffy rested her head on Angel shoulder as she listens to the sea. Angel looked into her face that was reflecting the moonlight and wished he had saved her. Her eyes were shut and she looked so peaceful for the first time since she got back.

Angel let her stay there and then realised she had fallen asleep, so he wrapped his arms around her and just held her tight. She curled into his embrace and relaxed.

Time moved on fast As Angel watched Buffy sleeping. He could fell there was about an hour before the sun rose. He got up with Buffy in his arms and carried her back to the house.

As he walked he was thinking of the different in her appearance and her attitude since he first saw her a few days ago. The bruising and swelling was mostly gone and the cut where healing well.

He had gotten to the Summers' door and hadn't realised she was so lost in thought.

He opened to door to find no one in the living room, as they all must still be in bed. He walked upstairs with Buffy but the uneven moving set off one of her nightmares.

Angel walked faster to Buffy rooms and put her on the bed.

"Buffy. Wake up. Come on you're safe. You're with me." He shook her a little and her eye opened.

"You okay?" he asked. There were tears in Buffy eyes and all she did was look at him.

"Why won't they leave me alone?" she asked.

Was she talking about her dreams? Did she think they were real?

"Buffy they are gone they won't be back. They will never be anywhere near you again."

She looked deep into his and saw the unspoken promise he was trying to get across to her.

"Thank you." She said stroking the side of his face. He leaned into her hand and let of a small growl. She didn't pull her hand away but instead leaned forward and laid a light kiss on his lips.

He looked at her with love. He wasn't going to push her too far he said and he was going to stick by that. But having her lips on his again after he thought he would never see her again made him want her so much.

She was laying down with her eye shut again and knew that if he kissed her he would scare her so he settled for climbing on the bed next to her, holding her in his arms as this was the closest they could ever be.

The sun rose and everyone in the Summers' house woke up and got dressed apart from the two in Buffy's room.

As they sat in the kitchen, eating the breakfast, Dawn said, "Will she get better?"

Willow and Tara looked at each other.

"Well it's hard to tell. When Angel wakes up I'll see how she is doing." Willow says hoping that when she did ask Angel he had some good news about their friend.

"Is Buffy home?" Dawn asked, the last she knew Buffy and Angel were at the beach.

"They came home just before dawn." Tara says as she heard them.

"Okay. Buffy okay?" Dawn was really worried about Buffy. She had never been like this. As long as Dawn could remember Buffy was always the strong one. Seeing her so weak wasn't normal and it scared her.

"I don't know. I'm sure Angel looked after her." Tara reassured the young girl.

"Yeah, I mean I know he will but, she's so lost and in so much pain and there is nothing I can-" she stops talking and the two witched look at her.

"What is it?" Willow asked noticing how she stopped.

"When I saw Buffy yesterday I said I was sorry and she seemed to accept it but I don't think she took it in the way I meant it. I saw her smile a little then she went. But that's something right?"

Willow nods and then continues with making breakfast.

Dawn was thinking about this all the time now. If she could help Buffy in any way she would.

In Buffy's room she woke up to find Angel curled up next to her. He looked tired. He must be as he had been looking after her and has been unable to sleep in the day.

Buffy sat up and moved out of his arms. Making her way to the door she looked back to make sure he didn't wake up. When she was sure he wouldn't wake up she opened the door and headed for the stairs.

When she got downstairs she saw Willow and Tara in the living room. "Hi, Buffy you okay?" Buffy nods at Willow who had now come to see her.

Buffy tried to stay calm. Remembering what Angel has said. He trusts everyone in this house.

Willow didn't know what to say. All she thought about was bringing Buffy back and didn't think of what Buffy would be like.

"Are you hungry?" She asked. It was almost eleven and Buffy hadn't eaten anything since midday yesterday.

"No, thank you." Buffy lied. As Angel got her to eat she was getting hungrier by the minute.

Willow looked at her friend and felt so bad that she had dark rings around her eyes, no meat on her bones and darken broken skin.

"Even though I haven't seen you in three months, you look different and your acting totally different I still know when you're lying."

Buffy looked at the floor playing with her toe. she then realised she was still in her clothes and not Angel's.

"Come on. Well get you some food, something big with energy." Willow takes Buffy's hand slowly and thankfully Buffy didn't pull away, she let willow take her to the kitchen.

Buffy sits down and then looks at Tara who had followed them.

"What do you want?" Willow said looking in the cupboards then she saw what would help Buffy.

She turned round to look at Buffy and held up Oreos.

Buffy didn't look happy; she was just wearing a blank mask.

"Buffy, I know you have gone through something horrible there and I'm so sorry we couldn't stop it. We tried getting you out of there as fast as we could. I know that time moves faster there so obviously it seem longer to you but believe me when I tell you how sorry I am. If there is anything I can do to help you let me know." Buffy nods. Then willow hands her the pack of Oreos and sat down next to her. Buffy looked at the food and her stomach rumbled.

"You can have them sweetie." Tara said softly. "We're not going to hurt you. In this universe you don't have to be scared. You're allowed to do whatever you want here, in reason." She adds.

Buffy look between the two girls and chose to follow her heart instead of her gut. She was already hurt so being hurt a little but more won't change much. Buffy took a biscuit and ate it. The pain she was expecting she didn't get. She hadn't noticed but she had tensed up after taking a bite.

"You okay?" Willow after seeing the fear and then relief fill her eyes.

Buffy nods and then gives Willow and small smile.

"Where's Angel? He still asleep." Tara asked hoping talking about Angel Buffy would feel more comfort.

"Yeah. He looks tired. I just left him there so sleep."

"Good thinking, you're be okay with me and Tara." Willow says and again Buffy gives another small smile.

Buffy was glad she followed her heart on this matter. She felt better for no reason. She felt like she could be around these girls and not get hurt. Angel was right. She was okay with this people.

The images that were running through her head was hard to passed, the people in front of her where the people she could remember hurting, torturing and tormenting in hell.

After about thirty minutes of awkward talking Angel came running down the stairs.

"Buffy?" he shouted. Buffy looked at him as she rushed into the kitchen, when he saw her he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "You okay?"

Buffy nods. Angel let her go and then looked at the other two and then back to Buffy.

"Sorry, I had a nightmare that…they were…" she looked at Buffy and saw the fear in her eyes.

_Does he know? _She thinks.

"We'll talk about this later." Angel said and this made butterflies fly into Buffy stomach.

Angel sat next to Buffy and watching her eating.

"What?" she looked at him and said without thinking. Angel looked shocked at her sudden change of attitude. "Oh god, sorry I didn't mean to."

"It's okay. I'm just glad there is still some fighting spirit in you."

She lowered her eyes; she wasn't sure what to do now.

She was in the middle of knowing what she could and couldn't do in this dimension but was scared to do what she was allowed to do here but not in hell.

"Buffy, would you like to go to the magic box with us?" Tara asked as she and Willow needed to get moving.

"Can Angel come?"

"Sure." Willow answered.

"Yeah, I'll come. I'll have to meet you there, unless you want to come through the sewers with me?"

Buffy's smile that was ever so small faded from her face at the mention of the sewers.

The color she had gain in her face again had gone and her eyes dilated.

"Buffy? You okay?" Angel asked.

"No, not there. No, Angel please." Tear rolled out of her eyes making her cheek glisten.

Angel got up quickly and wrapped his strong arms around her. She cried into his shoulder until the tears go away.

"It's okay Buffy. You won't go down there. You can walk there with Willow and Tara. I'll meet you there. Is that okay?"

She looks at him and nods. Angel had his hands on either side of her face and was drying her cheeks with his thumbs "You go get dressed and ready to leave."

She nods again and walks upstairs.

"Make sure she doesn't freak out when you're out. I don't want her running off."

"She'll be fine with us Angel. We found a Spell that will knock her out. We'll only use it if we have to." Willow says looking at the worried vampire.

"I hate seeing her like this." Angel was looking at where Buffy had walked off.

"She'll get better. She already has." Tara smiles at Angel.

A few minutes later Buffy walks down the stairs with Angel clothes on again.

"Buffy, you're going to get cold." Angel looked at the boxers and top about five sizes to big her.

She didn't say anything she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Right. We ready to leave?" Willow asked looking at the girls.

They both nodded. "Right then. Come on." As Buffy headed for the door Angel stopped her and got his coat and wrapped it around her.

"This will keep you warmed."

"Thank you." And then she kissed him on the cheek.

Willow and Tara saw this and smiled at each other.

Later that day everyone was in the magic box, sitting at the table. Buffy was on Angel's lap as she wouldn't sit anywhere else.

When she started to look around the shop everyone kept an eye on her, which was annoying.

At one point she got so annoyed with it and turned to them and said. "What?" She looked them dead in that eye and for the first time since he got back she felt like herself. She noticed everyone's eyes look behind her so she turned around and saw Giles.

"Buffy." He looked like he was in total shock but Buffy looked totally petrified.

"Oh God." She looked at him and wasn't sure what to do. _What have I done now?_ She thought. Thinking she had done something wrong.

Thank you too all of those who have read and reviewed my fics. Knowing that people are enjoying this fic makes it worth writing.

Sorry for the amount of time it takes me to update but I hope you understand. And if you like my fics so much and I'm not updating started sending me messages saying you would like me to update or you can follow me on twitter (.com/lil_alien) as I say when I am writing my fics and when im going to update =D

Thanks again.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I'm so sorry for the long delay in an update, but after you read this you will see that I'm not very good at writing anymore…if I was at the beginning :S. but I have lost the plot of this fic and it will take me a while to get back into this one and the others, so if something doesn't match in the story I'm sorry for the mistake but at least it is an update right? Other fics should be updated soon. Again very sorry if this has let you down, they will get better again, PROMISE. =D

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Buffy looked at Giles and slowly backed away. Giles looked at her and was worried by the way she was acting. He knew she wasn't going to be all right if she came back but he didn't think she would act this way.

Buffy kept moving back further and further, Angel got up and was going to hold her but she backed into him, spun and looked at him with tears and fear in her eyes.

"Buffy it's me. It's okay, remember?"

Buffy took a deep breath in and nodded slightly. Angel then turned her around wrapped his arms around her. "Giles isn't going to hurt you. He loved you like you're his daughter, trust me on this."

They walked to Giles and Buffy looked into his eyes trying to look past the images in her head to the real Giles from this world.

"Buffy?" He asked as he could see she was still edgy about him. "I'm so glad your back." He said forcing tears back. He was so happy to see Buffy alive but also was hurting to see the strong girl he knew and his daughter and slayer was now a small girl that was afraid of the world and everyone that is close to her.

"I think, erm, that I'm going to go and…yeah." Buffy stuttered and walked quickly to the training room.

Angel looked at Giles, "She was like that with all of us, she has got better, give her time." And then Angel follows Buffy and then Anya jumps up from her seat and hugs Giles.

"Giles, its so good to see you."

"You too Anya."

Giles let go of her and walked to the rest of the group and sat with them.

"Has she got better since-" he couldn't finish, he was lost in thought, of Buffy being hurt and toured.

"Giles, the difference in her since she has got back is a lot. She actually came out of her room and to the kitchen without Angel. She's getting there." Willow said smile.

They then continued to talk about what they had done, how Buffy was brought back and what she has been like.

In the training room Buffy was sitting on the sofa and was crying.

"Buffy?" Angel walked to her and wrapped his arms around her. She turned to face him and cried into his shoulder.

After a few minutes Angel asked, "What happened? Talk to me."

"He was in charge. Giles, when I was very bad, they would tell him, he would hurt me more then any of the others. How do you know he isn't the one that hurt me?"

"Because he was here when you where gone. It wasn't anyone here, they were all demons, and none of your friends would hurt you."

Buffy wiped her eyes and nodded. "But what if, how am I meant to forget what I went through?"

"The same way you have with your other friends." Angel said wiping her eyes. He looked deep into them, "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, and I don't need to worry about any of them hurting you because I know it will never happen."

Buffy smiles and nods.

They spend another few minutes in the room for Buffy to get her breath back from crying and to let her eyes stop being so red.

They then walk into the main room and the group looks at them. Angel sits down and Buffy sits on his lap. As they sit there Angel can feel Buffy shaking.

In Buffy's mind was a battle going on of trusting Angel and then trusting the images in her head. Was Angel right or where the image of her 'friend' torturing her true?


	6. Chapter 6

**IMPORTANT AN: the AN at the bottom is very important please read as it depends on what story i continue to write.**

Also sorry if this isn't as good as other chapters and about the mistakes, enjoy.

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They stayed at the magic box for a little while but then Buffy got tired and her head was resting on Angel shoulder and soon everyone could see she was asleep. Her muscle weren't tense and her breathing was close and calm.

Angel tightened his grip on her so she didn't slip off his lap. He was glad he was able to hold her tighter now. As her cuts were healing fast and the pain was less Angel would enjoy just sitting with his arms around her. To him it made the fact that was back more real.

"Guys I'm going to take Buffy home." Angel said standing while moving Buffy so she was in his arms safely.

"Can I come home with you? I wanna go to bed." Dawn asked.

"Sure. Just stay close to me okay?" Angel said worried that if anything jumped out at them he wouldn't be able to protect both the girls.

They said bye to the group and then headed home.

When they were away from the magic box Dawn asked, "is Buffy okay? I mean really? Everyone is saying she's going to be fine that it will work out. But I want to know how she is now" Dawn said. Angel looked at her and sighed.

"It's hard to say. At the moment she is okay as she is asleep. Tomorrow she might be scared or fine. Just like she was fine when we went to the magic box and then-"

"Giles came in and she got scared again." Dawn ended.

"Yeah."

"Why? Do you know what happened to her? What has made her so scared of us yet?"

"No." Angel says, wishing that Buffy would talk to him more. "All I know is that it will take time for Buffy to talk about everything and it will be hard for us to understand and help her with this. But Dawn, if she has us all, helping her when she needs it, everything will be fine and Buffy will get through this. Even if it seems to take forever or if it feels impossible for Buffy to be like she was, I know just a little longer she will be the old Buffy we all know."

They walked more in silence then Dawn said, "I don't think she is asleep."

"I know, she might be in the half asleep half awake state but she isn't fully asleep."

"How do you know?" Dawn asks.

"Same way as you do I guess. Her body is more tense and her breathing isn't as even as it was."

Dawn looked at him then Buffy. "No I know because every time you talk she gets a little smile on her face."

Angel looks down at his love in his arms and then said, "Buffy, I love you." And as Dawn has said, there was a small smile, but her eyes stayed close.

They got to the house and Dawn opened the door. They both headed up the stairs and Dawn went into her room while Buffy was taken into hers.

Angel put her on the bed and changed her into some PJs then kissed her on the head. While his lips touched her head Dawn said, "Does she flinch when you kiss her?"

"No, she actually relaxes a little."

"When I tried giving her a kiss on the cheek she wouldn't let me."

"It will-"

"Take time. I know." Dawn said smiling. "I'm going to get a hot chocolate then go to bed. Is there anything you want help with?"

"No thanks Dawn. Sleep well." Angel said smiling.

"Yeah you too." Dawn then left.

Angel sat next to Buffy's bed watching her sleep. About 10 minutes later Buffy quietly said, "you going to watch me all night."

Angel smiled; he was daydreaming about holding her and not letting her go. Wishing he were about to give her what she wanted and needed. Also wishing that he had left her. If he didn't, or if he came back, he could have helped her with the fight against Glory.

"I was, if you want to know the truth."

In a quiet voice Buffy said, "Can you hold me and watch?"

She opened her eyes to see his reaction and then when she saw the small smile on his face she moved over a little and lifted the duvet cover up for him to come under it.

He stood up and got into the bed. Buffy's hands went to his top and pulled it up over his head. She then leaned in and slowly moved her lips to his. They touched ever so slightly for a second. Buffy then looked into his eyes and then kissed him again, but this time deeper. It lasted a few seconds then Angel pulled away.

"Buffy, you don't have to do this. I don't want you doing someone you feel forced into."

"I don't feel forced." She said so softly. Angel was looking at her and didn't see any of the broken Buffy in her. Only the strong, powerful, witty Buffy was there. The one he had fell in love with.

He leaned forward and kissed Buffy, laying her down so he was over her. He was worried about making her feel trapped but she didn't seem to mind. The kissing became deeper and more urgent. Buffy's hands went to his back and arms feeling his muscles. Angel's hand was in Buffy's hair and the other on her side. He ran his hand down her ribs and he could feel each one. He pulled back and Buffy looked at him, this time with fear in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"Don't be. It wasn't you." He said calmly and Buffy relaxed under him.

"I didn't mean to- I mean…I know I'm not the best or what is wanted but, I don't know. I thought it felt right."

"Buffy with you it always feels right. Just, I can't. For a few reasons. We can't do anything as you know and the other reason, I can't take advantage of you when you're like this."

"Angel I'm fine. Really. I understand now, you wouldn't hurt me, I know that, never questioned it, and I know the people here, Willow, Xander, Anya, Tara…Giles," Buffy said Giles' name as though she was forced to say it and as if it had caused her pain. "I know they are my friends and they only want the best for me."

"You might know that for some but there is still stuff to work through. But I stopped because." He runs his hand over Buffy's ribs again. She then knew what he meant.

"I like it. Makes me feel like someone off the T.V"

"The people on T.V are bad role models, that's not natural and this isn't Buffy. If you don't eat more you will still be weak and keep fainting."

"I have fainted for a while." Buffy said in protest.

"That's because you haven't done much. If you did more then you would faint. So come on. Food then sleep."

Buffy looked at him as he got out of bed.

"what's wrong?" Angel asked looking at her, as she hadn't moved off the bed.

"Do you not want me anymore because what happened to my body."

"Don't be silly Buffy, I always want you. Nothing will change that. I just want to keep you from dieing again. Please come and have something to eat."

Buffy got out of bed and walked to the door and out of it followed by Angel.

When Buffy and Angel left the magic box with Dawn Giles looked at everyone and they all knew what he wanted to know.

They explained that Willow had gone the spell but they thought it hadn't worked due to the demons. They also explained how they found her and what had happened since She had got back. They spoke about the improvement that had occurred because of Angel.

They then got to Buffy's reaction.

"She was scared of all of us Giles. Don't take it to heart, it will take some time for her to get use to you and know you won't hurt her." Willow said. As she knew he was unset about not being able to help Buffy faster.

"It's great to have her back, I wouldn't have done it myself. Thank you Willow, for saving her from that place."

"We all did it really. I wish I got her out faster."

"She still hasn't spoke about what happened, Giles. That a good thing or not?" Xander asked, wishing he knew what was able to scare the slayer.

"Well, it's best to let her tell us in her own time. But there is the chase she won't say as well, in which case it will always affect her in some way or another." Giles said.

"So if she doesn't say soon we'll force it out of her." Anya said trying to be helpful.

"There is a spell that makes the person tell the truth, if the right questions are asked we could find out anything."

"I think she's been through enough without a spell being put on her to make her tell us." Giles said not liking the sound of a spell being used at all.

They spoke for a little while longer then headed home, Giles stayed at Xander's on the sofa.

When Willow and Tara got home they found Buffy and Angel on the sofa asleep with a few plates on the coffee table in front of them. Willow got a blanket and put it over them then went to her own bed with Tara.

AN: thanks for reading and I'm very sorry for the long time between updating but I have been having trouble with writing. I also can't leave a story unfinished that is why I keep adding more and more but slowly. But I have come to decide that I can only write one story at a time. So I have updated all my fics at the same time. In the reviews please tell me what fic you would want me to finish first. The one that gets the most people wanted it to be finished I will finish that first then I will finish the fic that came in 2nd place and so on til they are all done. If I feel like updating another fic though I will. But I think this is the best way of updating now as I am making rubbish chapters now. **The voting stops and I will count them on September 10****th**** 2010.**

Again thanks for reading and please review telling me what fic you want me to finish first!


	7. Chapter 7

In the morning Buffy started to toss and turn in her sleep. She started to mumble and her breathing became extremely fast. The movement and noise woke Angel.

He watched the love of his life and then started to shake her a little and say her name, trying to wake her up. Buffy just kept moving against Angel, she then started to get violent and was hitting her fists into Angel's chest, not very hard but still enough to show that her nightmare was becoming a lot scarier for her.

"Buffy! Wake up." Angel said firmly and grabbed her wrists enough to stop her from hitting him. "Come on, baby, wake up. It's just a dream, you're with me, you're not there; you're safe." Angel said but seemed that nothing was getting through to her.

She kept moving; her legs were kicking Angel's and her hands kept moving even though Angel was trying to restrain her. She was moving so much that Angel was moving closer and closer to the edge of the sofa. After another second Buffy had managed to push Angel onto the floor. This noise finally woke Buffy up with a quiet scream.

"You okay? You're here, safe with me." Angel said looking up at her.

Buffy's breathing started to calm down again and she looked over at Angel was a few tears in her eyes. She nodded.

Angel sat up more and looked at her while placing his hands on her arms, "It's okay. It was just a dream. They will go away one day. I promise."

"I know, but it seems so real." Buffy whispered. "I'm sorry, about pushing you off." She looked down.

"It's okay." He tells her smiling at her, he then lifts her chin up to make her look into his eyes and said, "I forgot what it was like to get hit by you, brings back memories."

"Really? Like what?" Buffy asked.

"Well the time you kicked me in the head, the first time we met. I still remember the strength."

"The time you gave me the necklace." While Buffy said these she placed her hand near her neck, looking for it. "Where is it?" She asked starting to panic.

"It's properly upstairs." Angel said reassuringly. "Come on let's go find it." He stood up and put his hand out for Buffy to take.

They walked upstairs and went into Buffy's room and right away she saw it on her dressing table next to her bed. She grabbed it and tried putting it on but she was shaking too much, Angel took it from her hands and put it around her neck.

"Thank you." She said now holding the cross in her hand.

"It's okay, I like seeing you wearing it."

Buffy smiled. Even though the necklace could burn Angel a lot he didn't ever mind when it touched him.

After an hour or so everyone in the house was awake sitting in the living room, Dawn was eating while Tara and Willow were looking through books just for some reading.

"So I said I wanted a tattoo and then Janice said she wanted one and her mom actually let her get one-" Dawn was telling Buffy, as they hadn't been able to properly talk since she got back.

"No!" Buffy cut in.

"Oh man!" Dawn wined.

"How is school going? Not skipping it again?" Buffy asked giving Dawn a stern look.

"I have been going, I'm trying a lot more now. I'm sorry for being such a pain Buffy."

"Your not a pain, just being a teen." Buffy said. All morning she was trying to be okay, to seem like the old Buffy but inside she was terrified especially when Angel went upstairs for a while to change his clothes.

"What about you two? Classes okay?" Buffy asked the two witches.

"Yeah they are fine." Willow asked, not knowing what to say as when Buffy was gone Tara and Willow had missed a few classes to look after Dawn and to make sure the house was okay, not to mention that they hadn't learnt as much as their evening consisted of taking care of Dawn and patrolling.

The conversation got slow and Buffy sank into a day dream, she just stared at the floor, she wasn't thinking of a bad memory from her time in hell but instead a time she had when she came to Sunnydale. In the bronze with Willow and Xander and then Angel turned up. It was so simple but Buffy felt relaxed by it.

The door went, and Willow answered it. Xander and Giles walked through the door, as soon as they were in Buffy's view she tensed up and came out of her daydream. "Hi, guys." Buffy said trying to sound like she is calm but inside really she was shaken.

"Hey, Buffster. You okay? Looked like you slept well." Xander noticed.

She did, over the last few days she had been pale, dark eyes and shaken but now she had a tiny bit more color on her face and her eyes looked more rested.

"Erm, I had an okay night." She said looking at her hands that rested in her lap.

"That's good."

The two men now sat down, Giles made sure he was far away from Buffy as she still seem to be jumpy around them or him as it was more likely.

They were talking for a while and Buffy just got more tense and shaky. Angel took to rubbing her arm to make her feel better. After a while she turned to Angel, "Can we go somewhere? A walk, my room or something? Please?"

"Of course, we'll go to your room until the sun sets and then we can go for a walk? Yeah?" Buffy nodded quickly at Angel.

They got up and quickly walked upstairs.

"She still can't look at me." Giles said.

"She will get there." Willow tried to comfort but nothing was going to make Giles feel better as he knew that he was scaring his own slayer.

"So was it Giles again?" Angel asked as Buffy went to her bed and curled up on it. She nodded. "I can't help it, he scares me."

"Why him more then the others?" Angel asked moving to her.

Because he hurt me more."

"The demons hurt you, not the people downstairs." Angel told her.

"I'm so confused."

"I'm here." Angel then climbed on the bed next to her and held her.

Downstairs they spoke for a while about how to help Buffy but chose that the best way was to just let her be, to give her time.

"Well as I can't help, I'm going to go. I'll be at the magic box."

"We'll be there later." Willow said smiling at him.

Giles and Xander left so Willow, Tara and Dawn were left sitting in the living room not knowing what to say.

"I want to have a shower." Buffy says after a few minutes of silence.

"Need help?" Angel asked sitting up with her.

"No, thanks. I'll be okay." She then gets up, grabs some clothes and walks off to the bathroom.

"I'm here Buffy, if you need me." Angel says as she closes the door.

He sat on her bed thinking, she wanted to get away from him for a while, why? Was she actually trying to hide something from him?

A few minutes after the door closed the water was running, Angel kept listening to make sure she didn't get hurt by slipping in the shower or something.

She climbed into the hot water, water that was too hot. It burned her when she quickly put her and under the water, but she liked it. She was standing under the water, looking at her feet, just feeling the water hitting her head and running down her body. She could see and smell the steam rising up. After a while, she felt cold water running down her cheeks, not from the shower, she was crying. She felt so lost again, she knew nothing would happen here but she couldn't help get scared at the sight of Giles. She looked up her legs and saw the cuts fading then she got to her thighs and had to quickly look away. She couldn't stand the thought of what happened to her body, what she let happen. She could have stopped it. Why didn't she? She looked at her stomach and ribs and more tears feel, she started to sob. Her body wasn't what she knew or liked. In actual fact she hated it, she wanted to rip the skin off it so new skin would grow, she wanted to eat nothing but junk just to get some fat on her body so she didn't have to see her own bones through the skin. As she thought more about the state her body was in her sobs became louder and she sat down in the shower, the water still burning her. She was bright red from the heat of it. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head against them. There was nothing she could do to change the past, she could only try and get past it. She reached up and turned the tabs off but she decided to stay sitting there for a while. Without the water hitting her now she felt unbelievably cold. She shivered. Looking around she saw the towel hanging up and then stood up. She grabbed it and started to wrap it around herself but she saw the mirror and her back, the cuts where tiny now, barely noticeable and the scars had faded. Quickly Buffy turned and pulled at the mirror closer to see the scar on her neck, still there. She stood in the towel, staring at herself, _I can be me again, I can't change it, but I can be me. Right? _She thought.

While she was in the shower Angel heard her crying, he understood why she wanted to get away from him now, even though she could and had cried in front of him, she was trying to hide it and be the strong girl he knew, another good sign. Hearing her sobs getting louder Angel got up and went for the door, but decided to leave her for a while, always being there wouldn't help her, only being there when she wanted him would help.

She came out of the bathroom in some clean clothes and walked to Angel who sat on the bed. She walked to him and stood between his legs. As if on autopilot he wrapped his arms around her waist, she then leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips.

"You okay?" He asked looking up at her.

"Yep, want to go out now? Suns set?" Buffy smiled.

"Sure." Angel said and got up. "Where do you want to go?"

"Graveyard."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I feel like killing something."

They then left the room and house after grabbing some weapons and telling the three other girls where they were going.


	8. Chapter 8

"Before you go do you want something to eat? Or I can make something and you can heat it up when you get home?" Willow asks, as she was about to go make dinner for the three of them.

"Ermm…we'll have something when we get in." Buffy says with a little smile. They then head out the door while Willow goes to the kitchen to start their dinner.

Buffy holds Angel's hand the whole way to the graveyard. No a word was spoken but Buffy was looking around at the houses, trees, shops and then the graves. It felt like she was taking it all in again for the first time.

They walked around the graveyard looking for any vampires that may rises or any may be hanging around. There was only one vampire, Spike.

"Buffy, you're looking better." Spike says moving to them. Angel's hand tightens on her hand. Buffy gives him a little smile but doesn't reply. "It's good to see you. I was wondering how you were doing." Spike continues, hoping Buffy would respond.

"Haven't felt like coming out much until now." She says quietly. He eyes not meeting his. He steps a little closer and her hand tightens on Angel's.

"We'll its good to see you good with patrolling again." Spike smiles.

"You hurt your hand." Buffy says seeing his hand was covered in blood.

"Oh, yeah, few vampires. Just hit them to much." Spike gave a small laugh, as this wasn't what really happened. Spike was thinking about going over to see Buffy but he knew he couldn't and shouldn't. He lost his temper and punched a wall in his crypt from the frustration he felt knowing Angel was looking after her.

"We better carry on the patrolling." Buffy says looking at Angel hoping he knew that she wanted to leave Spike now.

"Okay." Angel then started to walk away from Spike with Buffy. Spike watches them go and the pain strikes in his heart again. He wanted to help Buffy but with Angel around there was no way that would happen.

They went through the graveyard and finally found a group of vampires. Buffy dropped Angel's hand and pulled out a strake from her sleeve. The vampires slowly turned to look at her and started to move forward. Angel watched them and Buffy's reaction. If she froze while fighting Angel would take on all the vampires to make sure Buffy came to no more harm.

She stayed still, just watching. The vampires getting closer and closer.

"Looks like the slayer is back boy." One said and the others snarled.

Angel was going to move forward for the attack but Buffy placed her hand on his chest to stop him. She was thinking. _These are demons, like those in hell, why don't they scare me? They can hurt me just the same._ The thoughts confused Buffy. As it was true demons in hell and on earth where all the same. Evil. So why wasn't there a fear running through Buffy that told her these were going to hurt her like the ones in hell? _Because I can beat them._ Buffy things and throws herself into the group of vamps stake 3 of them quickly and kicking and punching the other two. One landed and she staked him while the last one she took to punching, kicking and throwing around as if he was a rag doll. She was straddling him, while punching his face. She knew she had the strength to end it, to fight him, to make him hurt. She was strong. She grabbed her stake and staked him. He turned to dust under her and she sat back.

They were gone, she made them go. If anyone tried to hurt her, she knew she could fight them and win.

"Buffy?" Angel asked shocked she managed to fight them all on her own.

"I beat them." Buffy doesn't look at him. "Why couldn't I in hell/"

"In hell they make your mind go, they confuse you and play dirty. They stop you fighting until you're too weak to even try. Your mind was confused Buffy you didn't know what to do." Angel says moving behind her.

Buffy looks up behind her. "Fight me?"

Angel looks shocked but understood why she was asking this. She wanted to see how strong she was. Angel was stronger then other vampires so it was a good test of her strength.

Angel quickly grabs her and pushes her to the ground and climbs over her to pin her down but Buffy kicks him and does a flip so she is standing in front of him. He goes to punch her but she blocks and kicks him making him stubble a few steps back. She continues with a few kicks and punches until he manages to block one and knocks her to the ground. She kicks him in the gut and gets up. They move around the graveyard, continuously through punches and kicks. Finally Buffy throws him into a crypt wall and places a stake at his heart. "I win." She says and he smiles.

"You have always been stronger then me." He smiles and Buffy lowers the stakes. She moves in and kisses his lips slowly and Angel puts his hand in her hair pulling her into a deeper kiss. He then moves and pushes her again the wall and pushes his body against hers.

"Bite me." She says looking deep into his chocolate eyes.

"I can't."

"I need to feel you teeth in me Angel, please remind me what it feels like you enjoy it. Please let your teeth the ones to take away the other teeth marks. Angel I only want your teeth in me." Buffy pleads. She was sick of feeling other demons bites over her. She wants Angel to renew his scar and make it the only one to focus on.

He leans forward and kisses her neck and slowly lets his teeth puncher her skin. She groins in pleasure and pain.

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AN: Not the best I know I'm sorry. But I hope you like it and I'm sorry for the wait.


	9. Chapter 9

Angel drinks her blood and slowly Buffy's body relaxes. Angel pulls his teeth out and holds Buffy up. She rests her head on his shoulder and sighs happily. Angel turns back to normal face and wipes his face with his hand. The blood was making him feel wild. Angelus wanted to get out. He wanted to finish off Buffy and kill her.

"Come on lets go home." Angel says and Buffy nods with her eyes half open. "Can you walk?"

"Yeah." Buffy says but Angel holds her up.

Although he didn't take that much blood for Buffy it was a lot as she was weak anyways. "Okay I'll carry you." Angel says picking Buffy up.

By the time Buffy and Angel got home Buffy was asleep in his arms. He opens the door trying not to drop her and then goes up to their room, as everyone else was asleep.

He puts her on the bed and then goes to the bathroom to get a washcloth to wash her neck. He gets back and places it on her neck trying to get the blood from it. She opens her eyes and smiles at him. "It felt amazing."

"I want to say the same." Angel says looking down.

"What's wrong?"

"I hate feeling Angelus inside me. You, your blood, makes it harder for me to ignore him."

Buffy looks down and feels bad for making Angel feel the evilness within the demon.

"Buffy, don't look that way. I did what you want and if I'm honest since the first time I drank your blood I have been desperate for more. I love you and the vampire love your blood."

"Is that meant to be sweet?" Buffy asks sitting up a little holding the cloth to her neck.

"It was meant to be, a little." Angel smiles and gives a small laugh.

"Lay with me?" Buffy says and moves over the bed.

Angel stands up and sits on the bed and then lays down with Buffy snuggling into his side.

They fall asleep and in the morning Buffy was woken by loud music.

Dawn had put on her music and was dancing around between her room and the bathroom brushing her teeth and getting dressed.

Buffy sits up and looks towards her door and Angel. He was asleep still so she got out of bed and went to see what Dawn was doing. As she got into the hall the bathroom door shut and she heard Dawn singing in there.

She goes into Dawn's room and turns the music down. A few seconds later Dawn comes back into her room and sees Buffy by her stereo.

"Hey!" Dawn says looking at her sister shocked she turned the music down.

"Me and Angel were asleep. Do you really need it that loud?"

"Yes, it helps me get ready for school when I'm tired. Can't you use an iPod with ear phones and blast your own ear drums out?" Buffy says walking out of Dawn's room and back to her own.

She climbs on the bed. Angel turns around and holds her around the waist. "What was that about?"

"Dawn, loud music, normal teenager." Buffy says falling back to sleep. Angel kisses her neck and then sleeps as well.

In the afternoon Buffy wakes up again and then sees Angel isn't there. She looks towards the windows and she sees that the curtains are still closed so wondered where Angel was.

Buffy gets up and walks downstairs. She smelt food being cooked. Going to the kitchen Angel was at the stove and saw him cooking pancakes.

"Hungry?" Angel smiles at her sitting down.

"Very." Buffy smiles and images herself with Angel and a family. _Wow, when have I ever thought about a family?_ Buffy was shocked by her own thoughts. She knew her and Angel would never have a real relationship or a family. It was impossible. But she did love Angel and wished she could have him. She wanted a future with him but sooner or later they would be pulled apart from each other again.

Angel gives Buffy her pancakes and then sits with her to eat his as well. "These are gorgeous" Buffy smiles and eats more.

"I'm shocked you haven't put chocolate and peanut butter on them." Angel smiles.

"How do you know I like…?"

"I know you."

They both smile and eat the rest of their food and then go to get dressed.

They watch T.V and Buffy starts to feel like she can get back into her normal life. She knew she was strong, the people around her have shown she can trust them.

"Can we do some training tonight?" Buffy asks.

"Yeah, that'll be good. Want to go when the sunsets?"

"Yeah. Gives us chance to see Dawn and she can come with us to the magic box. Willow and Tara will probably go there after their classes."

Angel kisses her head, "That's the plan for this evening then. What do you want to do now?"

_If only I could say._ "How about more films and food?"

"Sounds good."

In the afternoon Dawn gets home and says hi then goes to do her homework in her room. She knew she should leave Buffy alone and then when they were around each other let Buffy talk. She finally seemed to be getting better so she could stop worrying so much.

It got to the evening and Buffy and Angel for ready to go.

"Dawn!" Buffy called up the stairs. "We're going the magic box. Do you want to come?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." Dawn replies within a few seconds with her shoes and jacket on.

They walk to the magic box, Dawn in front while Buffy and Angel hold hands.

"So why we going to the magic box?" Dawn asks.

"I want to train." Buffy says simply looking around at the houses again. "Was there always that road there? I thought it was houses there."

"Always been a road Buffy." Dawn asks confused.

"Oh, it's just, haven't been here in ages I guess I'm remember different parts of places and thinking its something else."

"It's okay." Angel says holding Buffy's hand tighter.

They get to the magic box and go in. Everyone was there. Willow and Tara working on their class work. Giles looking through the shelves. Anya sorting more money and Xander eating something.

"Hey guys." Dawn says going to join Willow and Tara looking at their books.

They get replies of hi and hello.

Buffy and Angel sit down, Angel feels Buffy tense up but she keeps cool. She tries to relax. She wanted her normal life back.

Giles knew to keep his distance, as she would feel better in her own time and way.

"So what you doing here? Planning on doing some training?" Xander asks. And Buffy nods. At this point Willow sees the bite on Buffy's neck.

"Oh my…was patrolling okay?" Willow asks quickly.

"Yeah, it was really good. Why?" Buffy asks.

"You've been bitten." Willow says looking at Buffy's neck. Around the two holes there were no bruises. This is one way of seeing that the bite was done gently. Normally there would be bruises to show how much the victim had struggled.

"Oh, that wasn't…ermm…I'm fine." Buffy blushes slightly. From that everyone knew it was Angel had bitten her.

Everyone got on with their own thing and Buffy just watched. She saw these people meant her no harm. Even Giles. He wasn't showing any signs of being angry or mad at Buffy. No sign of wanting to hurt her or that he even hated her.

Buffy actually felt relaxed around them again. She smiled at this sudden feeling.

"What you smiling around?" Xander asks noticing her smile. He had missed it.

"Just…being back. Thank you. All of you." Buffy says looking at everyone.

The gang is happy and feel whole again. There were the people that started it all and the people that came later. But however long they have been in the group this is their family.

"Ready to start training?" Angel asks. Buffy nods.

They get up and go to the back room. Buffy preps and Angel takes off his jacket, showing his strong arms and a tight top over his big chest.

"Ready for this? After the blood lose?" Angel asks.

Buffy nods and takes her position in front of Angel. There are mats on the floor to stop so much pain when they throw each other to the ground.

They spend about 40 minutes training one on one then change to punching and kicking. Angel was glad to feel that Buffy's strength had come back quickly. Her punches and kicks were close to making him lose his balance but he kept strong.

Buffy goes to punch again but stops suddenly.

"Buffy you okay?" Angel moves to her quickly.

"Yeah." She nods, "I think that is enough training for now."

Angel leads her over to the sofa and sits down with her.

"That was good. Doesn't seem like you need much training for you to be back to how you were." Angel smiles.

"That's good then."

There was silence and Angel saw that Buffy wanted to say something.

"What is it?"

"I think, I think I'm ready to talk. About what happened. I mean about the smaller details that have been bothering, but only to you." She says looking up at him.

"Okay, whenever, wherever you want, we can."

Buffy smiles at Angel and olds his hands.

* * *

AN: My niece is in a competition it would be amazing for her to win. Please copy and paste this link (removing the spaces) and then click "Tweet" and/or "Like" please. It'd help a lot!

Http : / www . sunbeams . co . uk / gallery / detail / 70454f0a-fa3e-41b6-b501-d54f6b09029f


	10. Chapter 10

Buffy and Angel said goodbye to the Scooby-Gang and made their way through the sewers back to the house and then went into the kitchen.

"I'm really hungry." Buffy says opening the fridge and looking for in something she can eat, she then turns around and sees Angel smiling at her. "What?" Angel's eye line moved to Buffy's hands and she smiled. "I said I was hungry." Buffy is holding a big chocolate bar and in the other hand a pack of ham and cheese.

"Weird combination." Angel says shaking his head.

"You've never tried chocolate, cheese and ham?" Buffy says in shock. Angel shakes his head. "Look Chocolate and cheese good together, ham and cheese together is good also…. The ham and cheese is okay. Put all together is very nice."

"I'll take your word for it." Angel smiles and goes to the table and sits with her. She starts to eat and Angel takes a few bits here and there.

"It was all of them, mostly Giles."

Angel looks up to see Buffy fiddling with the tablecloth looking down. She was about to open up and Angel made sure he was alert to take it all in, even if he didn't want to know what she had to go through.

"Every day I would see them, they scared me. I thought I could trust them but they are monsters."

"The demons were monsters not your friends."

"Right that's what I mean, I think the shape shifters chose to look like people I call my family."

Angel nods, hoping she will still remember that the demons that hurt her were not her friends.

"I-I…." Buffy shook her head finding it hard to recall everything.

"It's okay Buffy. Don't need to tell me everything." He takes Buffy's hands in his and squeezes them a little. She looks into his trusting eyes and gives a small smile as two tears fall down her cheeks.

"I hate it." She whispers.

"I know."

"No, you don't understand. I hate the fact it was real" Buffy says, Angel looks confused." If it was just my soul that was tortured it would be easier I think, but it wasn't. I came back with the cuts and scars and they're taking forever to go. I can feel the dirt on my skin and fell the heat from where I was and the fear that turned me cold all the time. It wasn't just my soul that went to hell; I was in a hell dimension. My body was there. This body and I can't change it. This is the body they did stuff to. That they broke. I want to stop feel this." Buffy cries more and Angel moves to hold her.

"It's okay. I know we can't change it but things will get better Buffy. Please trust me."

While angel held his love he felt a very small nod from Buffy acknowledging that Angel spoke the truth.

Wow I know short chapter, so sorry for that after such a long wait but I need to get back into the story, I'll make the next chapter longer for you. Review anything that you want including in the fic and I will try and make it happen.

Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

Even though Buffy has improved in the time she has been away from hell she was still too skinny and needed as much rest as possible. Buffy cried onto Angel's chest for a few minutes and with her eyes closed she drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Angel picks her up and takes her upstairs. He lays her on the bed and then lays next to her holding her close. He thinks of the pain she went through and how she always shared with him what had happened. He also knew they he had to try and see how her cuts and scars where doing, they were not as bad as they use to be but the scars were definitely still there. He wonder if there was a spell that could be done to help them fade or disappear and then maybe Buffy should start to deal and hopefully forget about the physical pain that happened to her. He would ask Willow soon and if there were anything that could be done would start talking to Buffy about it when she started to trust the group again.

A few hours later Angel heard the door close downstairs and wondered who it was. He went downstairs and saw Dawn walking out of the kitchen, holding a drink and food.

"Oh you're home." Angel says.

"Yeah, it's what I do at the end of school." Dawn replies, and seeing Angel's confused look adds, "It is 4 o'clock you know."

This is when Angel realised that he had been holding Buffy and staring into space for a few hours. He slowly nods.

"Is Buffy okay?"

"Yeah, she's starting to open up about what happened." Angel replies.

"That's good. I hate not being able to be close to her anymore. I missed her so much and now that she is back she can't trust anyone and I miss her still."

Angel nods and after a moment of silence Dawn walks upstairs and into her room.

Angel was still thinking about any spells that could help Buffy and to stop his wondering a few seconds later he felt a tap on his shoulder and heard Willow's voice calling her.

"What?" he asks startled. He kept zoning out trying to find a way of helping Buffy. After he was in a hell dimension, better then the one Buffy was in, Yoga helped, Buffy and Yoga together helped him. But that wouldn't help here.

"I was calling your name and you just didn't notice. You okay?" Willow asks looking up into his eyes as Tara puts her bag in the living room.

"I was thinking, of a way to help Buffy. She seems to be unable to move on because the physical signs of the torture. I wanted to know if there was anything you could do to help the scar fades."

"I know of a few spells but they would need Buffy to trust me as I would need to touch the scars. I wouldn't want to do that to her when I can still see in her eyes that she is scared of us." Willow explains.

"But there is something that can be done?" Willow nods. "I can start getting Buffy to open up, she almost did earlier and once she does I will help her and tell her we can help get rid of the scars left on her. I think it can help her."

"Okay, we will start looking into it, see what will have to happen." Tara adds coming over to Angel.

He was glad the girls would help them and now he just needed to make sure Buffy would be able to cope with the spell.

He went back upstairs to Buffy and she was sitting up in bed looking at a book.

"What you doing?" Angel asks.

"Reading, I realised I have since I got back. Wondered if I still could, sounds stupid I know but knowing I can still read and do something normal makes it seem like I never left this world."

"Well if that kind of thing is helping, fancy going to see a film later?"

Buffy nods and smiles.

* * *

I know long wait… again. Im sorry if you read other fics you would have seen that I lost all my files and I was working on getting them back then I went back to college and have a lot of work then I had 3 years with my boyfriend and I was working on something for him and blah blah blah im sorry I hope you liked this.

IMPORTANT

And also… I am just wondering, how many of you would watch a youtube channel by me? At the moment I am thinking of talking about random thing for example time travel or 'in different countries that don't speak English what is their version of English lessons?" its just random stuff and then I would look at comments with your views and would make another video discussing that… anyone interested?

I would do other stuff maybe a daily vlog (discussions about my fics on a live stream sight if people like my youtube channel) but yeah let me know if anyone would watch and help me promote it and think of things to do on the channel. =]

Hope you enjoyed. :)


	12. Chapter 12

Buffy gets ready and Angel waits for her at the door. She walks downstairs and puts on her coat. They walk out the front door and to the cinema. They choose a film, comedy, so this can't spark off scary images in Buffy's mind or a romance which would have made things harder between Buffy and Angel.

The lights dim and Buffy's hands tighten on Angel's hand.

"It's okay. No one here is paying any attention to us. They don't want to hurt you. And I am here don't forget." Angel whispers in her ear, sensing her worry.

She nods. "I know. Sorry." She gives him a fake smile. "I'm looking forward to this." She lies to make Angel think she is fine. But in actual fact since she has gotten back she hadn't seen any movie trailers and had no idea what this film was about. The loud music starts and her ears ache. It reminds her of the screaming she heard in hell. Her screaming. Some times she would scream so much she lost her voice and temporally her hearing. She rarely gave in to screaming but when she did, she screamed a lot.

Throughout the film Buffy was able to relax but then a sudden memory hit her and she would be shaken. By the end she was able to control this a lot more but still knew she needed t start letting Angel and the group in like she use to. She promised herself that by Christmas, which was only a few months away, she would be her normal self.

"Enjoy that?" Angel asks standing.

"Yeah, did you?" She replies, slipping her hand into his.

"Yeah. You seemed to calm."

"I was. I wasn't so bad being in a dark room surrounded by people I don't know." Buffy smiles and meant what she was saying.

Being in the cinema was helping her feel 'normal' again. However normal she could get anyways.

They head home and when they get there the witches are waiting for Angel.

They don't say anything until Buffy goes into the kitchen for some food, or so she said. Willow expected it to be more a long the lines that she didn't want to be around them still.

Willow taps Angel's arm and says quietly, "I need to talk to you about that spell whenever you have a chance. We think we have found something."

"Okay, I will be down later." Angel says and then moves upstairs with Buffy who was already on her way.

She gets to her room and changes again into her comfy clothes.

"Buffy, if there was something that could be done to help get rid of the scars, would you like to try it?" Angel waits for her response.

Buffy stands still thinking about it. "Can it undo the scars in my mind?"

"I don't know. I doubt it."

Buffy then shrugs as if not bothered.

Angel takes this as a sign that Buffy had lost all respect for her body now, seeing it as something that she didn't own now but still felt her brain was still in her control, that the demons hadn't infected it like her body.

Angel makes a note of this and remembers to talk to Willow about it later.

* * *

To everyone celebrating it, Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry it isn't that long but I have updated all my fics for you apart from The Painful Secret due to it needing more time as it is at such an important part of the story. Again thanks for reading.


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